Friday, August 13, 2010

Snot-Nosed Gulliver

For the past few days I have been sick.  Not anything Ebola-esque with blood squirting out of my various orifices1, but fairly sick.  You know, a sore throat that feels like you have been yelling at the top of your lungs for days, headache, sneezing, achiness, and don't forget the general sense of malaise that oft accompanies these types of infirmities.

Oh, and I forgot the best part, the stuffy nose.  My nose completely clogged last night, much like the sink drain due to TheVWM's stray locks or my preparations for the occasional beach trip (older men and the spouses of older men should get the hairy-back shaving reference).  Anyway, since no air could pass through my nasal passages all night, I spent a fitful night mouth breathing.  Now for the coolest part, since I have this nifty hair sponge on my chin, I awoke to a really cool, actually it was more on the warm side, stream of slobber nestled deep within my beard.

8 hours worth of slobber sitting in my beard!

And now, as I type this post, literally as I am typing, my nose is starting to drain, but front-ways. Front-ways as in the genesis of the phrase "Snot-nosed".  Again, fortunate for me, I will be able to hold on to this moment thanks to the afore mentioned fur-ball on my face.

Anyway, I hate being sick.  The symptoms are often gross, you feel like a different person, and its just plain boring.  I hate it so much that I refuse to go to the doctor or take medication because that is what sick people do, and I don't want to be sick.  Being sick makes me want to lay down and do nothing, absolutely nothing.  So here is a look at my schedule for the past 3 days.

  • Wake up
  • Use the bathroom, maybe brush my teeth
  • Flip on the cable news and pass out
  • Wake up again, between noon and 3
  • Eat something
  • Flip on some interesting TV like Judge Judy or anything on HGTV
  • Greet the kids as they return from school, from the bed mind you
  • Pass out once more
  • Wake up around dinner time and eat something
  • Return to the bed and watch TV
  • Pass out until I wake up again
  • Repeat!

    Have you ever watched 48 consecutive hours of day-time television?  Its boring!  
     
    So yesterday, in an effort to break the monotony of reruns, home improvement shows, and amateur psychological advice doled out by actors,  I switched to a much more exciting form of entertainment, Talk Radio.

    Yeah, thats right, I said it, Talk Radio.  I love Talk Radio, it completes me.

    Anyway, as I am listening to one of my favorite shows, the Armstrong and Getty Show, the guys are interviewing some attorney from the Pacific Justice Institute.  The actual topic of the interview is of no real consequence, but this lawyer starts talking about Gulliver, you know from Gulliver's Travels.  You've heard the story before.  Gulliver is a normal guy traveling around the world and he finds a new land called Lilliput where a race of minuscule people live.  Even though he is gigantic in comparison, Gulliver is overcome by the Lilliputians and their teeny weeny ropes.  How?  Well 1 of their tiny ropes could not hold him, nor 2, nor 10, nor dozens, but with dozens upon dozens of even the tiniest of strands even this giant man could be contained.

    Then it hit me.   Even I, a giant of sorts, can be held down with something small, something weak, something like this stupid illness.  A cough, by itself, no problem.  A runny nose, with no other issues, wouldn't stop me at all.  Sneezing, well actually I kinda like sneezing, but when you start stringing these things together, they become overwhelming and they make me want to curl up, flip on the tele, and let life go on without me.

    As I am thinking about Gulliver and being sick, I am reminded of my own sin.  Reminded of the times in my life when some stupid nothing of a sin like embellishing some dumb ass story, or doing a little fudging on the old 1040, or giving a double take to some hotty walking by has kept me in "bed". Maybe it was the guilt of failure or embarrassment about the gap between my "saying" and my "doing", but these little sins, together with other little sins, repeated over and over have, at times, kept me bound and powerless just like those Lilliputian ropes that enslaved Gulliver.

    So is God trying to use this to teach me something?  

    Is this some sort of allegory that He is using to get my attention?

    or

    Am I reading too much into this?

    1I had to look up the plural of orifice.  I would have bet it was "orifi", and I wish it was because "orifi" sounds so much better than orifice, doesn't it?

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